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Shopping with the Husband
(email R.V. 4May2006)
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill
Fenton has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate
this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from
shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance
equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from
the trouble your
husband has caused. All complaints against Mr.. Fenton
have been
compiled and are listed below.
Mr.. Wally Underpants
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department
MEMO
Re: Mr.. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr..
Bill Fenton has
done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her
in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to
put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted
area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows
from the bedding
department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help
him, he begins to cry
& asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera;
used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced
his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO!
It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door and waited a
while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here!"
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